6 Reasons Not to Be a Ho For Halloween

I love Halloween. You love Halloween. All in favor of loving Halloween say IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. One of the greatest things about it, in my opinion, is that it seems to be a judgment free time. You can dress as weird as you want, and someone will probably be dressed weirder than you. You can be a Secret Service Agent and somersault your way through the bar. You can finally fulfill your childhood dream and whip out that Superwoman outfit. The possibilities are endless.

That is all, of course, in the judgment free zone. But let us re-enter the everyday zone of judgment and talk about the reality of Halloween. Girls seem to think that being naked and wearing bunny ears makes them a bunny. This is not okay; and to make my point, I provide you with these 6 supporting arguments.

6. Where has all the creativity gone?!
This is your moment to think outside the box—be original! Your choice in costume is a direct reflection of how much you liked your art teacher in high school. Be abstract, not a naked cop.

5. Have some respect.
Don’t get me wrong—we all like feeling sexy. Own it. Embrace it. I support it. But there is a serious difference in sexy with class and sexy with “where are all of your clothes, really?” Have some respect and maybe others will respect you, too.

4. Nobody wants to see your ass cheeks.
Shorts. Underwear. Different. Things.

3. Safety is a thing.
Not be Paranoia Polly, but hear me out. Halloween = having a good time with your friends. You’ll probably have a drink or two, and some dude might be dressed like Jimmy Fallon. By wearing a bikini and cat ears, you’re only going to make yourself more vulnerable. Don’t put yourself in that situation. I realize that’s all kinds of political; and it’s sad that we even have to think that way. But it is what it is. Wear some clothes.

2. Make a fool of yourself, leave an impression.
This is the one time of the year that it’s totally okay to do this. In middle school, when the cool thing was to be a school girl and call it Britney Spears, my best friend Tory dressed up as SpongeBob SquarePants. Her stepmom made her this awesome life-size costume that barely showed Tory’s face. It was obnoxious and brilliant. I will never forget seeing a giant cardboard SpongeBob walking to school that Halloween; but I’m pretty sure I forgot about all of the Britney Spears.

1.You’re a role model.
Is it just me, or are there more and more kids on Instagram lately? Whether it’s your little sister, baby cousin, or some of their friends—you’re their cool ‘big kid.’ And they’ll see your choice in costume. Show them that you don’t have to be naked to be attractive.

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