Eventually

I am eventually going to be a “saver.” This is something I often say to myself in justification after a purchase that serves the sole purpose of making me happy, but definitely not meeting the requirements of a necessity. I have a lot of phrases that meet this criteria.

IE:

I will eventually make the gym a priority in my life.
I’ll eventually act like a real grown up.
I’m going to make a lot of money some day. Eventually.
Eventually, things will fall into place.
I’m gonna do that thing I keep saying I should do. In the New Year. (sub tweet: eventually)

Outside the vein of blind optimism, notice a pattern? Eventually. Finally, ultimately, sometime soon. God, when I really think about it, I hate this word. Actually hate. And I’m not a hater of words, but I hate this one.

It’s really just an excuse. A cop-out from the truth of right now. A justification of us feeling bad about what we’re doing in the present moment – which we probably chose to do, because it made the present moment a lot better than going to the gym or trying to save all of our money for whatever will be happening, eventually.

Here’s the thing: eventually doesn’t actually exist. There’s no time-line of when we should finally be adults and check the boxes on our eventually list. If there is one and I don’t know about it, HOLLER. AT. ME.

Really though, all these things we’re putting off, all the responsibilities we’re saving for a time we might be more “together,” or motivated, or focused on that check-list, they’re actually just things we don’t want to do. But feel like we should do. They’re really meant to be on our bullshit list. Our societal standards list titled: things I don’t feel like doing but I keep saying I’ll do them to please the comfort of others.

Eventually. It’s kind of stupid. It should be used in children’s books for the mere sake of teaching sequence. Outside of this, it’s useless. It’s really just a safe-word for our image. Hence, stupid.

Who CARES when you do those things – especially if they’re not the things that bring you joy on a Tuesday at 3:00. Keep doing the things on your right now list. On the real list, that you subconsciously carry with you every damn day, and not on the days that don’t even exist yet somewhere in someday world.

Maybe one day I will go the gym more. Maybe I’ll feel more like an adult. And good for me, whoever and wherever that person lands. But right now, I’m okay not knowing. Because I’m happy in right-now land. And that’s where I plan to stay.